My friend took me to the front of the room and sat me down in one of 6 chairs on the stage where the bride and her closest family were. I watched as different family members approached the bride, gave her gifts, and in return the bride gave them a carefully counted number of nuts. Sitting next to the grandmother of the family, I felt a little out of place on the family stage. After greeting guests, my friend returned to ask me how I was doing and to make sure I wasn’t bored. I told her that I couldn’t be bored because everything was all so new and interesting to me. As we talked, the grandmother got the attention of my friend and softly mumbled something to her in Newari. My fears were that the grandmother wanted to know what this stranger was doing here. Instead, my friend told me her grandmother said she was glad that some of the people from the other culture had made it. I turned to the grandmother and tilted my head to the side, the general motion for approval or “OK” in Nepal. My friend took me down from the stage, and brought me to a cousin who spoke great English.
While sampling the many appetizers and drinks that were being ushered around the room, I spoke with the cousin about culture in Nepal. As it turned out, I was at the bride’s party that night. A Nepali wedding is done over the course of several days. The bride and the groom have their separate parties. Next there is a ceremony where the groom will take the bride from her home to his home. Finally, the family will visit the bride in her new home and the wedding festivities are concluded. The more we talked, the more I realized how similar our two cultures were when it came to marriage and traditional relationships. Our conversation was interrupted by my friend handing me a cell phone and telling me that Nick wanted to talk to me. As expected, Nick had the same fears about being and outsider, but when I told him about the grandmother’s comments, he decided to come.
The cousin invited me to eat dinner with him and his wife, so we went into the dining hall and continued talking about Nepali culture. Afterwards, he excused himself and his wife and I found Nick. The two of us engaged various English speakers in the group, with Nick having a great knack for bringing out people in small talk. I hesitantly accepted the offer of our second conversational group to join them for dinner, telling them that I just ate dinner but would join them anyways. I was finding it very hard to eat in moderation with my Newari hosts and hostesses doing their best to make sure I wasn’t hungry. At the second dinner, I learned about some of the many challenges people face in trying to do business in Nepal. One woman in the group came from a family of poultry farmers. Their business had been greatly disrupted by a recent avian flu scare in eastern Nepal that led to an eradication of all poultry in the region. This was just one of many stories of people facing the business challenges of Nepal.
After dinner, we continued talking and eating more appetizers being brought around. My friend returned to the group, to invite me to the wedding ceremony tomorrow where the groom would come for the bride. I agreed, but Nick had to decline as he was starting a trek the next day. I asked Nick about the length of his vacation time from work. He responded that it was one of those things where he had to quit his job to do it. I told him I had done similar things before, what he was doing was definitely worth quitting his job over, he would be happier in the end, and I jokingly added that he should call it a sabbatical since it always sounds classier that just quitting. We called it a night shortly thereafter, with me and Nick splitting a cab ride that I had negotiated the rate on. He was more than happy to join me since I had negotiated a 50 rupee savings for him. Even though it is only 70 cents, it always feels better to be paying a little less than the common tourist rate.
The next day I woke up early, put on my nice clothes, and called to get the location of the next wedding party. I got a cab ride out to the intersection I was supposed to go to, on the complete opposite side of Kathmandu. After calling my friend and asking where to go, the phone staring making all kinds of noise. Puzzled and far from home I was a little worried, until her brother knocked on the window of the cab, as he had left the house with the phone to come get me at the intersection. We walked back to the house together as he practiced his English on me. The ceremony at the house lasted most of the day and of course included multiple meals, servings of tea and lassi, and plenty of snacks as well. Again, I was reminded of how similar the cultures were as I watched all of the sisters make a handicraft welcome sign to put in front of the house, and yet again as I watched all of the women in the family cry in different parts of the wedding.
The woman who cried the most was the bride. One of the sisters told me why this was so. In Nepal, a family lives together in their family home with little or no exceptions. A child living in their own home on the other side of the city would be unheard of. The home we were at today was where the bride had lived since she had been born. Today, the groom would take her to his family’s home and that is where she would live for the rest of her life. The sister said, “For her, there is so much uncertainty. Even though she knows the family she will live with, she does not know exactly her life in her new home. She does not know what it will be like. All this uncertainty builds up inside and it comes out of her eyes.” Later in the day, I got several questions from the brothers about how people in America do not always live in the same house as their family. I explained that many families live in different homes that are very close, so that they can see each other often. Otherwise, families that live far away meet together for important holidays.
After the bride left with the groom, I talked with the family more. Again the issues of business difficulties in Nepal came up. I spoke with a brother who ran a machine shop. Due to load shedding, his shop only had power for 4 hours a day and 4 hours in the non-working time of night. A good example would be from Noon-4pm and Midnight-4am. He explained that a seven day job often took three weeks when there was load shedding. After talking a little more I said my goodbyes, saying that I had to go home, home to Jawalakel. A family member escorted me to the corner where I could get a taxi. I had him help me negotiate a taxi rate, but still couldn’t get any lower than the amount I paid to get out there. Satisfied with my negotiation skills, I got in the cab for the long ride home, home to Jawalakel.
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